We women want to do it all, be it all and have it all!  And well we should!  Yet all too often, in the process of “doing” and “having,” we begin to lose the most essential thing of all—our selves.  A friend of mine recently reminded me that we are human beings, not human doings, and that, to be truly effective in all that we do, our lives must remain grounded in the experience of the here and now.

          As women, we often have strong social interest, contributing richly to our families, groups of friends, professional teams, recreational or political interests, etc.  Our lives get out of balance when we give away our loving energy to meaningful activities, yet fail to maintain the energy source itself.  Can’t we all relate to the experience of feeling impatient, crabby, even burnt out, after too much giving?  I have discovered that my greatest gift to others is my ability to maintain my own sense of equilibrium and positive energy:  I may say “no” sometimes, but others know that I will look after myself well enough to be able to be supportive and follow through on my commitments.  Balance comes from saying “yes” to me!

          It is pretty easy to bite off more than we can chew.  So it is critical to have an awareness of our individual stress or burnout symptoms—such as stress headaches or impatience—and to be able to quickly take responsive action to restore personal balance.

          This response could be as immediate as taking five minutes to close one’s eyes and do some relaxation breathing, or as complex as honestly assessing the stressors in one’s life, and working through adaptations to these challenges.  I often visualize this balancing act as standing on a surfboard, responsive to the unpredictability of the waves, yet confident in my ability to make the subtle moves necessary to stay on top.

          One of the most helpful strategies I use in learning to maintain balance in my own life is to stop every once in a while, take a deep breath, and ask myself, “Right now, which primary energy am I experiencing?  Is it love or fear?”  (All emotions boil down to either love or fear.)  If the answer isn’t love, I know I am losing that inner sense of well-being that helps keep me centred and functioning at my personal best.  Unless one is a monk living in an isolated cave (some days we wish!), being in a constant state of inner peace is neither realistic nor even desirable.  After all, we need some stress to keep the juices flowing!

          However, we don’t want to live our lives in a state of stress and chaos, either.  For me, discovering and then coming back often to this basic sense of inner balance has been one of the most challenging, and rewarding, quests of my life.

Published in Company of Women Connections (newsletter) December 2007. 

Wilson Counselling Associates 1242 Landfair Crescent Oakville, Ontario L6H 2N3 Telephone:  905-842-8188